It is with deep sadness, that I share that on the afternoon of December 4th, 2025, Karen passed on to heaven. She will be dearly missed. Over the years, she has shared about her journey with health concerns and most recently, multiple myeloma. It feels right to celebrate today her gifts for writing and her love of a God who loves each one of us.

In 2016, Karen wrote a series of booklets titled “Under Ordinary Skies, Living as Apprentices Every Day” while working as Spiritual Formation Director in a church community. Booklet Nine was titled “Who Am I When My Body Fails Me?” In this booklet, Karen wrote about five different elements of dealing with illness and death: Coming to Grips, Making a Paradigm Shift, Living Intentionally, Surrender, Dying Before You Die. Some of these essays, and others by fellow apprentices, are included in our blog under the sub-heading “Who Am I When My Body Fails Me?” A few written words from these essays are shared below. The hope, in sharing a few, is to be reassured that, as Apprentices, we are not blown about by the winds of sorrow, but instead, firmly planted in a Love that does not change or disappear. I hope you can take comfort in their wisdom:

“Who am I when my body fails me? I am a beloved child of God who takes great delight in me. A God who calms me with His love and who rejoices over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). I am someone who lives in the unshakable kingdom of God; no matter what happens to me, I am safe…I am someone who has had life-long experience with overcoming spiritual and emotional battles with the strong arm of God always holding me up.” (page 9, “A Beloved Child of God”)

“I think our task, whether we are well or ill, is to see ourselves as whole beings, surrendered to our Healer. Jesus didn’t see those He healed as separate parts: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. He saw them (and us) as potentially integrated, congruent (meaning harmonious, all parts fitting together) beings- like Himself. Therefore, He could approach them (and us) from any direction, any aspect of our being, to accomplish healing. ” (page 22, “From Dis-ease to Ease”)

“Choosing to “die before we die” means letting go. We learn to give up control- first of situations and events, then of people, then of our own life, and finally of our death. Recognizing that we have no control over death is the hardest to accept, especially for those of us in the West. Western thinking teaches us that we need to live as long as possible no matter what it takes. Eastern thinking has more respect for the event of death and for how to deal with its inevitability. My experience is that the more we deny, the less value whatever life we have left has. When we are “dying to death,” we are also living until we die. Every sunrise is more beautiful than the previous day’s. Every baby’s smile and child’s giggle is more fun than the last. Every interaction with a family member is vital. Every time spent with friends is precious because time is not wasted on the trivial but on the meaningful. Every task we choose to accept is viewed through the lens of its value to the Kingdom. We need to help each other understand that “dying to death” is a beautiful way to join with creation in bowing gracefully to the way the universe accepts that all life ends and a new life begins.” (page 54, “Living Until We Die”)

Eugene Peterson’s book “Eat this Book” teaches us to chew on a passage of scripture, digest it, and then put it to use in practical ways.  Use this pattern of Bible study to go deeper into a conversation on maintaining an apprentice focus even in the most challenging of times.  Use the following ideas as a potential starting point.  

Being an apprentice does not mean that life is without moments, days, and weeks when issues, setbacks or difficulties assail our spirits. Things happen,  externally and internally, that dim our light and, sometimes, even lead us to think we are losing sight of our Creator and Loving God.  It’s almost as if our compass just spins and it can’t locate home. What is true? What is false? Is this right? Or is it this?  How do we know we are living faithfully? How do we remain focused on the things that truly matter? A good place to start is always the scripture: 

Eat

Isaiah 29:13  The Lord says: “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.  Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.” 

Matthew 23:3-4 {Speaking about the Pharisees, Jesus says} “So you must be careful to do everything they tell you.  But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.  

2 Cor. 12: 9-10 {Paul speaking about the thorn in his flesh and vision} But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me…I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

Matthew 5: 3-5 He said “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. “ 

Chew

These passages speak to a message that offers balm to a tired apprentice of God.  They remind us that we are human, God is divine.  God knows that even though we humans are actually powerless,  we seem to constantly seek power.  God with his supreme power recognizes that humans’ striving for power comes from human rules of success, not from Him.  In the passage from Isaiah, God is fully aware that the people might say one thing and do another.  He notes that the heart is what he seeks.  And that fact, returns us to the point: Our Loving Father sees us, our struggles and the pain of the world and He is present.  

Thinking about that a bit more, the Bible speaks often of dichotomies such as goodness in evil, light in darkness, or joy in sadness. The passages given above talk about one’s words vs. actions, weakness vs. strength, and those with the least garnering the most. Each of these opposites can offer wisdom and balm to our troubled hearts.  Our God is a god who knows full well the challenges of this world.  He sees the struggle of ego over the gift of love.  He encourages us to choose what the world sees as lacking, even though it is opposite of what human hearts tell us is worth striving for, and dedicate a renewed commitment to the journey. 

Digest

So, what are we to do when life drags us down?  

How do we remain diligent and focused on the goodness that IS vs. the issues that arise?  

As apprentices who live in the unshakeable kingdom, where should our eyes turn?  

Well-known and loved theologian, priest, and writer Henri J.M. Nouwen reminds us in his essay “The Path of Power” of three disciplines to help remain focused on our apprentice journey.  First of all,  he encourages us to seek out the “poor who are close to us and in our world”. (Nouwen, 45) “To be poor” comes in many forms including physical, intellectual and spiritual lacking.  Poverty, as he uses it, can also reference those who speak the words, but don’t put love into action.   As well, it can refer to unkindness or hatred found in our every day. It might even represent the uninformed or those who don’t see facts from fiction. Our first job as apprentices is to not become dim, but instead, to shine brightly and show God’s way.  

In order to be able to do that, Nouwen notes the second discipline of trusting that we have what we need from God to truly care for the poor that are given to us.  Sometimes it may not feel that this is possible, but Nouwen notes that “we are often afraid to enter into the chaos” when we simply need to go.  We can be encouraged that God provides and He is in all things, so fear should never be given the ability to paralyze us from movement towards light.  

Lastly, in a world filled with darkness, Nouwen reminds us that it is the joy that should surprise us, not the suffering.  This world is built on suffering; consequently, suffering will always be there to tempt us and encourage us to question that we are on the right path.  He reminds us not to allow it.  Instead,  to expect the suffering and be encouraged by the joy.  He writes:

…don’t be surprised by pain. Be surprised by joy, 

be surprised by the little flower that shows its beauty 

in the midst of a barren desert, and be surprised by 

the immense healing power that keeps bursting 

forth like springs of fresh water from the depth of 

our pain… (Nouwen, 47)

More Food For Thought

Here is some additional “food” for thought in staying connected to your heart home:

1. Locate Joy: Spend some time noticing the joy in dark places.  Keep a journal as a means to document and remind yourself of the beauty of life in the pain. 

2. Stay Close to Home:  Be vigilant to see where those around you may be in need.  Who are those that may need encouragement, strength, or understanding? 

3. Keep your Light Charged: What do you need to shine bright in your community? How can you find the strength you need to be an apprentice?  Listen to your heart and know that God sees it.  

References:  

Nouwen, H.J.M. (2015) Finding my way home: Pathways to life and the spirit.

          New York, NY: The Crossroad Publishing Company.

Eugene Peterson’s book “Eat this Book” teaches us to chew on a passage of scripture, digest it, and then put it to use in practical ways.  Use this pattern of Bible study to go deeper into a conversation on finding joy in our lives in all circumstances.  Use the following ideas as a potential starting point.  

What can we do to spread love and kindness, peace and grace in a fragmented world?  How do we live a faith that doesn’t despair and offers encouragement and hope to others? How do we seek the kingdom of God when we feel like we have little to offer or show for it? Let’s look at some scriptures that might offer perspective:  

Eat

Luke 13: 6-8  Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any.  So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’

 “‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it.  If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”

Matthew 5: 13-16 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Chew

When considering the questions that we began with,  the scriptures offer some perspective.  For one, it appears that the old saying “one step at a time” fits our conversation.  Fruit, as in the example of the fig tree, doesn’t come quickly.  One can’t have an expectation that there won’t be an uncomfortable period of not knowing what might happen.  And, as the scriptures seem to articulate,  knowing what might happen isn’t the goal.  Instead,  the intention in doing something is where the sweet spot lies.  Moving forward with trust and belief to water and weed, to nurture a fig tree that isn’t growing YET, or shining one’s light where the light might not shine without you becomes the impetus to work towards the Kingdom of God reverberating across this world.  

A few months ago, Karen shared with me that she was encouraged daily by reflecting on the opportunities she had to give to the good work occurring in the world around her.  She showed me her kitchen cupboard door and wall that displayed pictures, names, and thank you’s that Karen had collected of people, nonprofits, and community partners that she impacted or cared for in some way.  Karen was no longer driving at that time, and only saw others when one might come to visit.  Yet,  as she recounted, she prayed each day over the names and activities, and each acted as a symbol and sign that God was faithfully using her offerings to further His work in our world. 

When we choose to move forward in faith to give to the kingdom, when we offer our resources, our time, or bodies, or minds, we don’t always know if it will bear fruit. We don’t always see any result. Instead, we make the decision to do something because we believe in the work that Jesus started on this earth, spreading love, light, and kindness where there may be darkness or untilled ground. As apprentices of Jesus, we each have gifts to bring forth, regardless of our circumstances or limitations.

Digest

How can we be a part of kingdom work in our world?  Consider these words written by Alan Patton about the role of the Christian: 

“No Christian should ever think or say that he is not fit to be God’s instrument, for that in fact is what it means to be a Christian.  We may be humble about many things, but we may never decline to be used…”  ((Foster & Griffin, 193)

Some questions to think about might be: 

• Where is God encouraging me to act?  What are the signs that he is speaking to me? 

• What is my “fig tree”?  How can I continue to be faithful to nurturing its growth and maturation? 

• Can I offer light in a dark place?  In what ways might God be able to use a small action on my part to build His kingdom? 

• Who am I able to impact?  How can God use me as an instrument today? 

More Food For Thought

From George Fox, founder of the Quakers in Puritan England (1624-1691): 

 “The Lord shewed me that the natures of those things which were hurtful without were within, in the hearts and minds of wicked men…The natures of these I saw within, though people had been looking without.  And I cried to the Lord, saying, “Why should I be thus, seeing I was never addicted to commit those evils?” And the Lord answered that it was needful I should have a sense of all conditions, how else should I speak to all conditions; and in this I say the infinite love of God. I also saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love, which flowed over the ocean of darkness.  And in that also I saw the infinite love of God, and I had great openings. “  (Foster & Griffin, 128)

References: 

Foster, R., & Griffin, E. (n.d.). George Fox.. In Spiritual Classics: Selected Reading for

Individuals and Groups on the Twelve Spiritual Disciplines (pp. 127-133). essay, 

HarperCollins. 

 Foster, R., & Griffin, E. (n.d.). Alan Paton. In Spiritual Classics: Selected Reading for

  Indivuals and Groups on the Twelve Spiritual Disciplines (pp. 190–196). essay, 

HarperCollins.